The great thing about having two little girls is that I am able to reuse Reagan's baby clothes for Lauren. The bad thing is that going through the boxes and getting those 6-9 month clothes out for Lauren breaks my heart all over again. The pain that hits me is breathtaking, the kind that makes me want to curl up in a fetal position and cry for days on end. It is close to the pain that I felt 7 months ago when the phone rang and the nurse told me the painful news that our daughter has Rett Syndrome.
It is silly to me because the feelings are those of loss; feelings of remembering someone that is no longer with me. But, that is not true. I can hear Reagan in the next room going "ba ba ba" over and over again so I know she is here and I should not be mourning. However, I am mourning the lost dreams all over again. I can vividly picture her in each of the cute outfits and those images remind me of our innocence and nativity. They were carefree days, not days full of therapy, fighting insurance companies, or stressing over her future.
Abby's first visit to Boston for the IGF-1 Trial
4 years ago