Does it change anything?

A year ago today I was just a Mommy, only a Mommy of one little girl instead of two at that.  I was not a Mommy of a special needs child and had not yet entered the new world of Rett Syndrome.  Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of that phone call where we learned of Reagan's diagnosis.  There are times (okay, at least once a week) that I think of that day and it takes all the control that I have not to drop to my knees again in sobs.  But the truth is that I am also very thankful for that phone call, for finally receiving an answer for the delayed development.  I am happy that we were welcomed with open arms from other families and they immediately knew everything that I was feeling.  I felt so alone and isolated after the diagnosis and thought no one understood my pain.  I reached out to the online Rett community and quickly learned that they all understood, they got "it".

I am trying really hard not to put too much focus and attention on the diagnosis day (and was even hesitate to blog about it), but my brain keeps trying to tug me into that dark place, and my heart is too eager to follow.  I plan to keep myself as busy as possible and think of all the positive things in my life when I feel the urge to cry uncontrollably.  As a matter of fact, I am just taking a break from getting the house ready for a one year old birthday party tomorrow.  Yep, we are going to have a birthday party for Lauren tomorrow and celebrate in a big way.  And tonight, I am going to the George Strait concert, thanks to my wonderful husband who surprised me with these tickets for Christmas.  I am going to just be a fan tonight, not a Mommy, not a special needs Mommy, just me, a woman that has ALWAYS wanted to see George Strait in concert.  One more item checked off of my bucket list!